Stressed...

OK, so I have no idea what is going on right now, but I am so stressed out and losing control of my temper.
This weekend was a fun packed weekend, but I felt like it came and went without a minute to rest. Saturday I invited my family and friends to the indoor water park in Maumee, and had a great time. John wanted us out of the house all day so he could clean and get ready for his family to come over on Sunday, so it worked out perfect. So I packed up the kids and headed out of the house by 10.00 am. Around 9.00 pm, the little ones were getting tired and I had to pick Jordan and her friends up from a party, so driving home I keep thinking about how nice the house would look and I was excited that Sunday morning I could maybe sleep in a bit and then get up and relax before Carly's afternoon soccer game. So I get home and could not believe what I saw. John had done nothing ! The front room was still a mess from the night before when I hung our new curtains, toys were still in the same location, vacuum cleaner had not moved from where I put it. I stroll into the kitchen, and again nothing looked touched. So finally I look into the living room where John was nestled on the couch in front of the TV with the laptop on his lap and all he did there was push all the toys to the toy corner. I could not believe it. What had he really done all day?
There went my relaxing Sunday morning and then came the real bomb, I wanted to stay home and clean while he took the girls to the soccer game, but here it is.... he couldn't, he had to play baseball all day. So, I cleaned the whole house by myself, took the girls to the soccer game by myself, came back and finished cleaning by myself while he was off playing baseball with his friends. This is not something I complain about because it normally doesn't bother me, but this weekend was not what was planned, and I am very stressed out because I feel he just relays on me to do this stuff and he can do whatever he wants. Like he has no responsibly because he knows I will do it. By Sunday night I was beat and starting to feel the stress inside me build up. Fr the past two days I have been bad. I have snapped at the girls, I have used words I don't normally use, I have even felt like throwing something to just to get the frustration out. I don't like feeling like this, but when I am ready to let it go, he does something else that makes it bubble again.
I know people do this stuff all the time by themselves and I am probably overreacting here, but the thing that gets me so worked up, is that John is there so I expect his help a little bit. It is not like he is out of town working or out of our lives. He is right there in the flesh, and I really don't ask him to do much. The past couple of months I have been running myself down and just need some help with the little things, but after this weekend, I don't think it is going to happen.

Father of Mine....

Last night I found out that my father will be leaving for England next week to live. And when I sit back and think, I probably will never see him again I am releaved.
My father is a piece of work, and back in July I came to the decision that I really didn't want him in my life or my kids life. Growing up he was never there for me. My parents got divorced when I was pretty young, and we did try the every other weekend schedule and then all of a sudden he was gone. Moved to England and went 4 years without a phone call, card or any type of communication. He Comes back to the states and expects us to forgive and forget. I don't think so, but I did until he ups and leaves again, going only god knows where and calls whenever he wants to brag about his life or tell us lies about what kind of dad he is going to be. So when he came back to visit in July I made the adult decision that I really didn't need him in my life. He was never there during the important events in my life and I really don't want him to be there for the remaining events in my life. I decided to have my brothers give me away at my wedding since they were there for me everyday and they were they ones who meant more to me then my dad. Sad but true.
Him moving to England is the best thing. I felt bad thinking about cutting him out of my life because he is my father, but with him moving I don't have to worry about it anymore because I know there will be no contact. He doesn't even really contact me know and we live in the same country. So today I feel a little happiness that a bad part of my life is gone and probably forever. He is not getting any younger and once he leaves I don't think he will come back to visit his kids or grandkids.
So today I am saying "good bye" to the father of mine, who gave me a name.

Babies

So, here I am sitting here thinking about all the girls I know having babies or are pregnant, and I am getting the baby itch. I have three beautiful daughters who have brought me so much love and happiness in my life. When I found out I was having girls I was so extremely excited that I would have a girl to raise and share those special moments a girl and a mother have. But now after three, I am so wanting to have a boy. Don't get me wrong, I love my girls completely and would not change that for anything, but I feel like I am in need of a new experience. I would love to have trucks, and sports balls around the house.
I have had three very hard c-sections to bring my babies into this world and my doctor has informed me to not have another baby. I have heard stories of women having 4 even up to 6 c-sections, so I am going back and forth on if I should let it go, listen to my doctor and just get my baby fix from all those around me, or should I just do it and hope and pray that all turns out well. I have been pondering over this for a while now and it is driving me nuts. I really dint have to make the decision today, or even soon, but I just don't know what to do. I would love to have 4 kids to raise and become great accomplishments of mine and John's life together.